life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize