My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize