Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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