apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
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I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
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he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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