Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
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I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
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I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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