You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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