Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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