can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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