I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
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Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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