i wish my penis had a tongue
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Too much gin, very little bucket
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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