ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
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Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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