I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
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just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
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His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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