you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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