There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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