i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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