Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize