My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize