I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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