Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
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