I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize