So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
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Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
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If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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