since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize