man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize