Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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