considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
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Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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