youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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