We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
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In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
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I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize