i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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