Soap is not a condiment
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize