thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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