After last night, I could never be a politician.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
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He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
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Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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