I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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