Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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