i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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