I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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