I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time i carry you out of a forest
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize