Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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