Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize