Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
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So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
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There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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