His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
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i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
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Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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