Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize