Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
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im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
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WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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