After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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