My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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