update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
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And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
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I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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