Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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