I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
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