Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize