So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
This house was built for laser tag.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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