I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ass is underappreciated
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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